Stuck in the Middle

Growing up I had quite the imagination of how my life would be and up until recently it wasn’t quite off. You start off chasing boys on the playground in elementary school, entering middle school where you would be kissed for the very first time, then the high school years where house parties consumed your weekends and  you will forever regret the decision of combining jagar bombs and 99 bananas, until ultimately you grab that diploma and cross that stage and start to think “now my life can begin”….such a naive child.

Now I won’t say it happens to most. I have friends who are married, friends who have kids, and friends who careers took off and at 25 can live quite comfortably. To me, they are my adult friends.

As for me, I am stuck in the middle…
Yes, I should state that I have had many successes in life since graduating high school. I was able to maintain a job at a great company and within 5 years managed to drive myself into a career I can see myself sticking with…(that is until I marry a rich man and WORK is just a four lettered No-No word)

Now at 25, I presume this is where I am starting my midlife crisis. “Stuck in the Middle”. Here I am working a professional job; I put together presentations, I interview, hire, even travel to different locations to train Work Place Violence Programs. I am a successful  individual. Then at the end of the day, I drive home to my parents, get scold on a messy bedroom or leaving lights on in the hallway, and get upset when they are serving Brussel sprouts for dinner. What’s wrong with this picture?

When I talk with other “non-twenty-somethings” they envy that at my age I can still live at home and not have the necessary evils of responsibility. Bills, buying food, and when something goes wrong you no longer use the excuse that your brother did it. But that is EXACTLY what I want. I want to feel alive! I want to depend on myself and only me. I want to leave the towel on the floor and come home and have it still sit there with no consequences. I want to eat ice cream and drink wine for dinner every night and not be judged. I want to live.

I know that I will get there someday, that is if I can ever learn to to control my shopping for unnecessary products…(note to self: find appropriate use for Ryan Gosling journal) I will take the initiative to stop making myself “stuck in the middle” and take that leap of faith into adulthood.

But just as my mother told a once pre-pubescent Jessica who was waiting for “the change”; “Your time will come.. and when it does you will become a woman, and you will regret it.”  Welcome to Adulthood.. there is no escaping now.

To Facebook or not To Facebook.. that is thy addiction…

Change. For the better or for the worst?

I recently have become enlightened of my many flaws that seep so internally that I have decided it is time for me to make a change. So far I think its going quite well, but how will others perceive it?

The other day I decided, after stalking through profiles on weight loss remedies, engagements galore, etc, that it was time to deactivate my Facebook. Now I have had my Facebook for numerous years. Just as it has for all other 20-somethings out there it has became something as close to us as our right arm. A necessity to some point.

At the point of no return, (deactivation button) I hesitated. A pang of anxiety washed over me that I would no longer be connected to the Facebook world. That was my rock bottom…

Now, I have nothing against people and their addiction to Facebook (I being one). Really, we are a millennial group of kids who demand instant gratification. We want to know who is doing what when they are doing it and how many “likes” they got for it. And we want to know it within one click.

I guess I finally got to the point of disgust that I was so attached to one website. That it took up so many seconds, minutes, hours of my life worrying about how I looked in tagged pictures, making sure I posted the latest events, and absorbing a potential crush’s page to the extent of memorization. (See.. disgusting and most likely illegal in some countries).

Now my friends, with the exception of one, believes that I will not be able to withstand this sabbatical. Honestly guys, where is your faith in me? But I choose to prove them all wrong. This is a challenge in my quarter life crisis to know that I have the strength within myself to give up an addiction. I have a life to live and I don’t want to be the one “liking” someone else’s experiences and adventures and not creating my own.

As the great and powerful Ferris Bueller once stated “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

So let me know,  do you think I will overcome to the temptations of comment war drama or will I stay strong and prevail to a better me?

***Now please don’t get me wrong. This is just my own personal case. All the power to you and your “addictions” just don’t bash me on ending mine.. that’s not a friend.

❤ J

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. – Lucille Ball

Its quite apparent what this blog will be in reference to… If you guessed “cheese”, you are pretty close but I hate to disappoint. (My attempt at humor is quite terrible but hey there’s a reason I don’t do stand up.. anymore.) “People” say to get anywhere in life you have to love yourself first. You know one day I would really like to meet these said “peeps” and just smack them right up across the head. I am usually not so outlandish when it comes to violence but this task ‘to love yourself’ is probably one of the hardest tasks I have yet to accomplish here in my 25 years of existence. 

As usual, my topics of conversation usually orbit among the fact that I am 25, still residing under Paul and Denise’s roof, and persistently solitary in the love department. I mean c’mon, what other issues should I be hauling around at this age?!

I have no words of wisdom or witty antidotes to present, let alone a climax turning point that I overcame my insecurities and learned that this wormy caterpillar turned into a ravishing butterfly and found her prince…(JOHN HUGHES.. WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU!)

Though, never fret, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I recently came across an article with 51 habits that will change your life. I have mastered about 3 this past week and it has had a very inspiring outcome on my behalf.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2013/11/51-little-habits-that-will-change-your-life/

So overall, when your life is seeming imperfect or a simple pick me up is due.. try switching it up, Oh and keep your shoes shined and clean…. apparently people pay attention to these things.

❤ J

“Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.” ― Roger Miller

There is nothing more relaxing than the sound of rain. I was trying to push myself to write, being a Monday I tend to lose most if not all motivation for life after work, but as I sat in my room and it began to rain there was nothing I could do not to…

The quote in the title serves both truly to the condition outside and my latest slump in life. With today’s thoughts, I am going to dangerously dip my toes into the waters of Online Dating… if you are any importance at all to me I am sure this shall be quite amusing.

If you were lucky enough to meet your soul mate at the ripe age of 10, kudos to you. But if you are like the rest of us… dating is one hell of a nightmare. I have had my up’s and down’s when it comes to dating. Bar scene (big mistake), friends of friends (even bigger mistake) and last but certainly not the least.. online dating. I never saw myself as a person to find love electronically. I, as any young girl, relied heavily on Disney films and the mere fact that one day Prince Charming would magically come into my life, fall in love with one look, and by now I’d be living in my castle with my 9 children and still utterly handsome husband…but of course Disney failed us and only set expectations that were too high. Yes, some lucky ladies are dealt the easy card. They have love, lose it, then magically here comes Mr. Right number 2..seriously…W.T.F

In the beginning I STRONGLY  opposed online dating. Seriously.. ask my friends.. I was fuming for about a good hour when they set me up on one. Then once the compliments started pouring in, no really the guy to girl quota on there must be quite astounding, I started to look at it in a slightly brighter light.  Granted it was boosting my ego quite a bit and it was interesting to see what else was out there opposed to a woulda coulda shoulda boy you met at a bar (always a SHOULD NOT ladies).

Now I am a shopper from birth. Anything that is my style and taste Mammas got to have it. This is no different when it comes to boys and online dating was the holy grail to finding Mr Right. Pictures among bios among pictures presented right at your finger tips. Any step closer and you’d be going all “Weird Science” and creating your perfect man and honestly I don’t have the time to sit around with a bra on my head.

Though through it all online dating has brought me joy, sadness, and a whole lot of awkwardness. Along the way though I think that it has shed light on what I am truly looking for as well as being a PRO at first dates. Needs tips.. I have a few (hundred). None the less I have yet to give up on finding my Prince Charming. I know he is out there somewhere, under the same big sky……and if he happens to have a castle, I ain’t even mad.

❤ J

I’m sorry, did the middle of my conversation interrupt the beginning of yours?

We all have been guilty of it and for just cause we probably were completely unaware of our doing so, or at least some of us. I’m talking about.. well talking about ourselves.

There is always that one friend, family member, co-worker who thinks the soap box just follows them around like a lost puppy. That their epic tale of a dating disaster or broken nail can take priority over your dying Grandmother. (Ok maybe not that extreme but you get the idea). The question is, how do we deal?

I have had plenty of experiences with people like this. On occasion I have been told that I am a follower, not a leader and that I don’t voice my opinions. On the rare instances, aka my breaking points, I have voiced how I felt, and though it may it be slightly harsh, I have been called a Bitch. All a girl wants is a happy medium.

When it comes down to the over-jabber, I really don’t think there is a way to break your silence and begin theirs.  Like the old saying goes “You’ll never understand a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes.” Maybe the time they spend bragging about their new shoes really means to them that you will value them more because of it. Some people just may have been brought up that way, always fighting for their voice to be heard. Take the time to hear them out, you may have more in common with them than you think.. and if all else fails and they don’t zip it a good bathroom excuse never fails.

Ill agree, its much easier to preach it than practice it but if you make one difference in someones day, the effect can last a life time.

❤ J

Spiritual connection.. does it exist?

So as I am sitting here on my very fresh new blog site something odd had occurred, which also seems to happen quite frequently. Great way to begin.. at least I hope so….

24 years on this earth I have been raised to believe in there being another life after this one. I have spent countless Sundays at mass listening to “what is to come”. As any young kid, you sit and play with any imaginary game in your mind just to pass the 60 mins of preaching and praising but as I grow older I have come to ponder the afterlife and after-beings. Well this post wont get into is there a God, a Heaven, or Hell but more on the thought of a connection with something bigger than us.

I was born on September 27. Oddly enough so was my father. My whole life I have had this weird pull to look at a clock and have it read 9:27( as it just did now). Once I expressed this to my dad and he admitted to me that it happens to him all the time as well. Now I will admit, I am a dreamer… so my mind will wonder to all possibilities. But I need to ask just a coincidence or do those not exist?

I find it thrilling to think that there is “beings” pulling us to certain events. Little reminders ( the time on a clock ) that they are around and in all instances won’t let you forget that, or them for that matter.

So I dare you to sit back and remember little things that have “oddly” happened to you and maybe the thought of it being less than a coincidence can spark your imagination. You’d be surprised with what you come up with.

Welcome

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”

 

Now I have sat and ponder the thought of creating a blog for the longest time but, as it usually does, life gets in the way of many things you would like to accomplish before you die. Wasn’t until the push of a good friend of mine, who writes an awesome blog herself, that I stopped day dreaming about the ever thought of creating a blog and just did it. As the picture is seen above, I am going to rip that “freedom” tape off my mouth ( or hands so to speak ) and do what I have always craved to do. No clue where to begin or what the hell I will even write about but I am sure it will come to me as time progresses. I have a backwards way of thinking as well as living so I will not disappoint. Even if no one reads this, I will continue to use this blog as my outlet for the little, big, important and probably most useless events that happened in my future.